I’m a little behind the times.
You see, most of my friends got married way before I did and already have kids in junior high, high school and college. When their kids were little, we’d get together and the kids were so cute! They’d run around in cute little clothes, say the most adorable, although sometimes painfully truthful, things about their parents, their parents’ friend, and about the world. I loved my friends’ kids because they were pure, insightful, and a delight to be around.
However, the years passed and those adorable little kids finished elementary school, entered puberty and developed their own personalities. Gradually, my friends were telling me about their kids’ “unusual” new behavior like sleeping ‘til noon on weekends, ignoring or talking back to their parents, and general uncooperativeness.
At first, I didn’t believe some of the things that I was hearing. For example, one kid texted his friends more than 2,000 times one month causing his mom to get a HUGE telephone bill. Then, one day after school another kid went to her girlfriend’s house, and then decided to stay overnight, but she forgot to let her parents know about her plans. Her parents were panic-stricken and called the police. In both cases, my friends told me that their kids didn’t understand what was “so wrong” with what they had done and they were actually angry with their parents for making so many rules.
Well, rules might seem dumb, and this kind of activity might seem spontaneous and exciting, but it’s not okay for two reasons.
First, the law makes parents pay for everything that kids do. Since parents work hard for their money, it’s selfish for kids to simply pick their pocket every time they get the itch to do something “spontaneous.” Second, although you might have gone to the movies a whole bunch of times by yourself, there’s plenty of danger out there in the big world that you don’t know about. Unfortunately, kids who do “exciting” things without their parents’ knowledge sometimes get selected for extinction*.
If it’s still hard to understand why you shouldn’t do “spontaneous” or “exciting” things without getting your parents permission, consider that growing up is the process of learning to get along with other people. That means being considerate and respecting boundaries. So, if you know that your mom hates dirty dishes in the sink, make certain to wash or put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher. She will respect you more for being considerate. If you’re lucky enough to have a cellphone, then once a week dial 611 to make sure that you won’t go over your monthly minutes. Your parents will be impressed that you are respecting financial boundaries.
Creating these habits might seem like a pain in the neck, but they will give rise to powerful, positive changes in your life.
When your parents notice your new habits (and believe me they WILL notice), they will become sad and happy at the same time. They will be sad because they will realize that you are moving away from childhood and becoming an adult; they will be happy because they will realize that you are beginning to amass the skills and knowledge to survive on your own in the real world.
So, although you might “feel” like an adult when you talk back or disobey your parents, the truth is that you will begin the process of becoming an adult when you (1) understand that the rules that their rules are intended to help you succeed in life, and (2) obey their rules without complaining.
OSU!
Sensei Romero
*If you’re unfamiliar with this reference, read the Origin of Species by Charles Darwin.
