Much has been written about how Japan is different from
other countries. This is especially true in how people resolve disputes with
others.
Consider that in North America if Jim has a beef with his
classmate, Pete, it’s not uncommon for Jim to go up to Pete and tell him off.
Then, after telling Pete off, Jim goes around and brags about what he did.
Usually, Jim feels like a big man for having spoken his mind.
Jim’s strategy isn’t too good because he and Pete might have
an argument or even a fistfight when Jim tries to tell him off. So, instead of
eliminating the problem, Jim has actually increased the chances of creating a
bigger problem. Even more important, if Jim continues to employ this method of
dispute resolution throughout his life, he will encounter big problems when he
grows into adulthood.
For example, if Jim tells his co-workers or boss off every
time he doesn’t like what they do, Jim will find himself getting fired and
maybe getting into trouble with the law. For this reason, as we mature, we need
to concentrate on controlling our emotions and considering the potential
consequences of our actions.
In Japan, the first person who raises his voice loses the
debate. Shouting comes from frustration or anger, which are unhelpful when we
try to resolve disputes. So, Rule 1 is to speak at a proper volume. Rule 2 is
to listen to what the other person has to say. Rule 3 is to respectfully offer
our opinion. Rule 4 is to arrive at a conclusion that is acceptable to both
people.
Japanese have disputes with their classmates, co-workers,
family members and friends just like North Americans. However, they have
different strategies for settling disputes that can be helpful to us.
Learn more about non-violent dispute resolution at Seichou
Dojo. OSU!
